zero

After worrying for months about my eye pressure being too high, it is now at ZERO, which is, not surprisingly, too low.  My eyeball is literally squishy like a sponge.  Seriously yucky.  Because it has no pressure, my eye isn't able to focus at all (no more 20/15, that's for sure...) and it hurts even to blink.  Who knew this would be such a roller coaster?!  Ugh.  

So, my doctor took out a stitch yesterday, hoping that would keep my pressure from climbing after he sees me every few days.  Having my pressure climb that way told him I was healing too fast (me being such a young spring chicken and all), so he gently pulled out an 1 1/2 inch long stitch (he numbed my eye first), opening up the hole a little more.  Well, within a half an hour, my eye hurt and I could barely see.  So, now, after another lovely visit with my doctor, I have been told to take it even easier than before, up my steroid drops (which will ideally raise my pressure), and hope for improvement within the next few days.  My doctor seemed alert and vigilant, but not panicked, which reassured me A LOT.  Because, to me, this is rather alarming.  Even with all the things going on with my eye, it has still felt like an eyeball.  Right now, my eyeball does not feel like an eyeball should.   I was not expecting to take such a step back as this feels like.  

This experience is definitely teaching me perspective and to be appreciative of what I have.  Just yesterday morning, I was wishing I could see better, wishing I could just have my normal life back.  Who knew that just a few hours later I would be wishing my eye were just back to its state it was in the morning.  So, now I'm appreciating the fact that I am continuing to heal, that I can see a little out of my left eye, and perfectly out of my right, that I have such a good doctor, that I have insurance, that I have so many good friends, and that I have such a loving family.  I don't know what I will feel like tomorrow, and I am trying not to worry about each new stage of this awful process, but today I am thankful for all these things.  

I am also never again going to apologize for just posting pictures on this blog, because now I wish that were all I were doing.  I thank you all, though, for continuing to read.  Hopefully, soon, you will get to see beautiful pictures of my great kids again (Grace has not only lost her other front tooth, her new one is already coming in!  Anna is now big enough that we just had to buy her some size TEN pants--how can that be?!).