Happy Halloween!

We had a wonderful Halloween: great weather, warm costumes, good friends, and lots of candy! The girls looked adorable as a Quidditch-playing Ginny Weasley and as Harry Potter himself. Peter the dinosaur, Sam the pumpkin, and Tucker the red Power Ranger joined us to go to a Halloween open house at a friend of ours before going trick-or-treating.

Note: My mom and I knit the girls' scarves--SIX feet each and in the round: a true labor of love! :-) And, even though the girls sported USC colors all night, the Ducks still trounced upon the Trojans. Whew! (Thanks, Mom! Without you and the swine flu, I don't think I would have finished those suckers!!)

5K

Yesterday I ran my first 5K ever. Never having been a runner, I started on the "Couch to 5K" program about seven weeks ago. It was a really great program that kept me running, motivated, and without injuries. Since starting, I've run almost every other day at around 6:30 in the morning--and have felt great. I was really happy I signed up for the 5K over a month ago, because the idea of it looming also kept me motivated.

The race went well, although I did have to jump into some bushes (thankfully there were some!) and pee about a mile into it. I'm still flabbergasted that I did that, but it really was an emergency, and it seemed like everyone else was pretty focused on their own race to notice some crazy incontinent woman peeing in the bushes... Anyway, I finished in 32.10 minutes and placed 90th overall (putting me about in the middle of the pack). I was hoping to run in under 30 minutes, but now I have a goal for next time!

Here are some pictures of the run:

Starting the race:(Of note: Crazy waving woman on the right (286) is Adam's sister and one of my best friends, Jenn. She ran the race, too, and finished 8th overall out of the females. She rocks and I want to run just like her someday.)

Me finishing the race:

Videos of both the start and finish:

Although not every moment was "fun", the whole experience was really, really fun--and fulfilling--and I can't wait to do another one!

The girls, Adam, and I also ran a 1K Fun Run about an hour after finishing the 5K, and I'll post a video of that later. Both girls (and Adam) ran the entire way--including the big, steep hill at the end--and I was really proud of all of them.

Family

This picture makes me so happy, I can barely stand it. We have almost no pictures of all four of us together. Happy, happy faces. All of us. Together. :-)

First Day

Wow. My girls are now in fourth and second grade! How did they get so old?! There was no dawdling today: the girls got right up, dressed, did their hair, ate, and brushed their teeth with plenty of time to spare--for pictures!

Grace was very excited this morning. She said she felt nervous as we walked down the hill, and even held my hand the whole way, but walked into her classroom on her own after turning around for an extra hug (I did not cry...). She has really gotten so brave and independent over the past two years. She really seems like a big second grader:

Anna was pretty nervous this morning. She proclaimed that if she was feeling that nervous, she couldn't imagine how nervous Emma was feeling (her friend who is coming to Polk from a montessori school). I even got to hold Anna's hand walking down the hill today!

Even though the girls had plenty of squabbles this summer, they will miss having so much time to play together now that school's in. Anna is very, very excited for Grace to have her favorite teacher yet, Mrs. Blair, this year. This will be the first time Grace will have a teacher Anna's had.

Grace's best neighbor friend, Sam:

The walking group (I think Sam is wishing he had walked ahead with his big brother and friend, who are too cool to walk with the rest of us. We liked having Sam walk with us today, though):

Can't wait to hear how today goes!

The End of a Great Summer

Wow. I cannot believe this summer is already over. Tonight, my feelings are bittersweet, because I'm excited for this school year, but I love having us all home together; we quite enjoy one another really. Even though Adam has been back at work for a month now, it has still felt like summer around here. We've had a wonderful summer. Our summer began with a visit from Soley, her boys, and Mikaron; we had a great time drinking wine in the backyard and chatting as the kids played castle, webkinz wars, and Wii. We were then joined by Adam and Rich for a weekend with our home stuffed past capacity. I always love my time with Soley and Mik, and it seems to just get better as our children become close friends, too. After Soley's family left, Mikaron stayed for a few more days. As always, the visit felt too short; my time with my best girlfriends always fills me up, gives me perspective, and makes me wish we all lived closer to one another

Shortly after they all left, we left for our big summer vacation: we drove across Nevada, visited with my Uncle Mark and family outside of Sacramento, and drove to the Redwood Forest from there, where we camped for three beautiful, fun nights. The Redwood Forest was super fun: huge trees, beaches, AND banana slugs! Then we took two days to drive up the coast, getting us to Gramma and Poppy's home. We had a great time there, slip-and-sliding, eating delicious meals, going to a butterfly sanctuary and a world festival in Salem, and enjoying a huge family reunion. My mom, Oma, joined us there and took the girls down to Eugene, where they went to a children's choir performance, a wave pool, saw "Up," and fed some cute goats. While the girls frolicked with Oma, Adam and I got to spend two glorious days in Portland. I don't know who had more fun. It was really, really great. Then, Adam and I joined the troop in Eugene to play at parks, scooter along the river, play mini-golf, visit alpacas and goats, and dye yarn. After all that fun, Adam did the impossible and packed all our stuff back in the car and we headed back home.

Once home, we got to celebrate lots: July was filled with the 4th, Grace's birthday (7!!!), and Pioneer Day (Utah's holiday which is seriously bigger than the 4th around here). Grace's birthday was definitely the most fun. On the big day, we swam at our favorite outdoor pool, went out to her favorite sushi restaurant (is she cool or what?!), and had cake and ice cream back at home with Jenn, Matt, and the boys. A few days later, we had her hiking birthday party, which was really, really fun. A few kids couldn't come because of vacations, but she had a nice group of some of her best friends, the weather was surprisingly cool, and we didn't lose anyone. :-) We hiked home to have a water balloon fight and ice cream sundaes.

After all that was done, we settled into a really relaxing summer of mostly swimming, playing with each other and playing with friends, playing in the back yard, and going to the library. We didn't do a whole bunch of "stuff," but we had a really great time. Grace learned to ride a bike and swim this summer, Anna read countless books, I started running and my eye is doing better all the time, and Adam went on a short backpacking trip with one of his best friends and began his new position in July as the Director of Teaching and Learning at Weber State.

Now, Adam starts teaching this week, Anna starts 4th grade and Grace starts 2nd grade tomorrow, and I begin my training to be an Interventionist (tutor) at the girls' school this week. It will be 17.5 hours/week, which I hope will be just about perfect. We'll see how photography goes this fall; I had a couple of photoshoots in July, which went well, but I'm still taking it slowly as I still get headaches when I take a lot of pictures. So, I'm hoping to be busy, but not too busy... That's always the goal, isn't it?

Even though we didn't take pictures of a lot of what we did this summer, I put together a slideshow of the pictures we did take:

If you want to see these photos bigger, and much better quality, or if you want to order anything, go here.

I'll be sure to post Back to School pictures tomorrow! (sniff)

Dance Recital

Yes, Anna's dance recital was in May... But, that was also when baby Sam was born. And anyone who knows anything about me knows that a baby's arrival means me taking hundreds of pictures. So, I took pictures of Anna's recital, then took hundreds of pictures of the most adorable baby ever, and didn't even remember having taken any pictures of said recital. Until a few days ago. So, I've finally posted them onto Smugmug ( http://kjohnstonphoto.smugmug.com/ if you want to see more).

(If you look on that site, you will get to see "Big Grace," the daughter of a good friend of mine, and my girls' idol. My girls absolutely love to carpool with Big Grace every week: she is silly, open, and kind. Honestly, if my daughters are as great as her when they're 15, I will be blessed indeed. Both girls wish Adam and I went on more dates, so Big Grace could babysit more. I think we should definitely listen to them... I took lots of pictures of her, because the batteries on all three cameras her family brought died right when the recital started.>

I was super proud of Anna, and it was fun to relive that night working on these pictures. Most of you know Anna loves dance--and her commitment to dance ramped up quite a bit when she started taking Contemporary in addition to Ballet and then started with the dance troupe her teacher started up in the Spring. Anna was dancing three days a week for a few months--and her dedication really showed in the recital. Best of all, she really looked like she was having fun. She shone. I teared up (both at rehearsal and at the recital). There is something so beautiful about seeing your child do something so completely and so happily.


This is Anna with Emma, one of Anna's best friends since they were four.

Pixie Grace

So, for months now, Grace has wanted short hair. I don't know why it's taken me so long to relent... I love short hair, I constantly stressed out about how messy Grace's hair always was, and I knew she could pull off short hair with her adorable face. I guess I was worried she didn't really mean it; I mean, if she hated it, we couldn't just paste the hair back on. But, for the last two haircuts, she's asked for short hair, we've gone with the cute a-line, and she's repeated that it "isn't short enough." So, today, we went to get haircuts and we went as short as Grace wanted. And, again, Grace is right. She looks absolutely adorable. And she loves it. She has been all smiles since getting it cut. She's off showing it to Sam up the street right now. But, first, I had to take some pictures:

Oh, Anna got her hair cut, too, with some layers. She still wants it long and is planning to grow it out to donate to locks of love. I think she looks gorgeous, too. (She also loves Grace's hair.)

Potter Mania

We all listened to the first Harry Potter book on our road trip to Oregon last month, and Anna is currently reading all of them; this has begun something of an obsession for both girls of everything wizard-ish. Last week, they dug out their Halloween costumes from two years ago, added some Harry Potter charm (thanks to a good friend's Potter Party we got to go to), and I had to pull out my camera. I haven't taken many pictures of the girls lately, so I thought I'd share. :-)

Lucky Me

I have been blessed enough to have been busy doing this recently:

This adorable little one is only five days old here.  Having not known whether or not I was ever going to be able to take pictures again only a few weeks ago, each image feels like a gift to me.  I feel so lucky that I am seeing well and able to take these pictures.  I had a horrible headache the rest of the day after this shoot and my eyes were sore, so I won't be doing it often yet, but I'm getting there.  

If you want to see the whole gallery, they can be found at:  http://kjohnstonphoto.smugmug.com .  Then just click on the first gallery.  (For some reason, the gallery isn't loading normally; clicking "refresh" will bring up the images; I'm trying to get that fixed... Annoying!)

Adam's gone this weekend to New Orleans, so it's just us girls.  We're planning on having a good time tonight with friends, will be busy with the cookie booth all day tomorrow, and perhaps have a movie night Saturday night.  Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Orange Belt

Almost two weeks ago, Grace tested for her Orange Belt in her martial arts class.  She did amazingly well.  She is so calm and focused!  She was even better prepared for this test, mainly because she knew what to expect and knew to trust herself and not worry about what other kids were doing.  We were very proud of her--but I think she is even more proud of herself!  

Grace showing off the many stars she's earned by doing chores every month (red=300-399 chores; blue=400+ chores!):

The yellow and orange belts waiting while the white belts tested:

Grace doing "TK 1", taking down a boy :-)

Grace after getting her orange belt, shaking Bhak Bonnie's hand (her only female teacher, who can kick some serious ass while still being super cute--a GREAT role model for a little girl!), the whole group after earning their belts, and the proud girl.

We ended the evening by going out for malts, fries, and Grace even got a strawberry tart.  It was quite a decadent end to a great evening.  Now she's moving towards earning her purple belt!  (which will be a while...)  

a blur

I have lots more to write, but I'm only on a brief escape from helping in Grace's class during a surprise assembly, and wanted to share...  

It seems obvious now, but I was talking to Grace's teacher this morning and saying how much better I'm doing now, etc., but how most of January and February were spent obsessing over my eye and the stress of all that and I don't remember much else.  She responded, saying, "yes, it was all just a blur, literally and figuratively."  I like that.  A lot.  Because it really, really was.  

But, yes, it is getting better.  I'm doing more, feeling more like myself everyday, and still healing well.  I go back to the doctor next Thursday--on World Glaucoma Day.  I'm thinking about bringing a cake.  With a big eyeball on it.  All those wonderful people in that office need a huge thank you anyway.  And, what's the point of having glaucoma if I can't have a little fun with it, too!  :-)  Glaucoma Day.  The whole concept totally cracks me up.  

March 12.

Just keep swimming, swimming...

There has been blessedly little to write as of late...  Things are going well.  The pessimist in me just keeps waiting for something to fall apart, but so far, things continue to go well with me and my ol' eye.  I just couldn't wait a whole week to see the doctor (I started worrying; so much could happen in a week!), so I went in yesterday, where my left eye was at 5, my vision a bit worse at 20/40 (it will continue to fluctuate for a while), and the right eye I have started to have nightmares about was holding steady at 23 (still high, but okay in the short term until the left heals a bit more). 

I get this little bubble under the conjunctiva occasionally, which he assured me was normal, but he said it should remind me to take it easy.  So, I'm trying to take it easy, which is surprisingly easy, since I get so damn tired after doing very little.  I think a lot of it is the fact that I've just had two surgeries in one month, but it could also have a little to do with the fact that I've done little else in that month besides watch TV and eat sugar.  Needless to say, I am not in the best shape...  Oh well, all in good time, all in good time...  

The pressure is still a little low in that left eye (it get so exhausting, worrying about "too high!" then "too low!"; it can drive one crazy, believe me), so the doc may start decreasing the number of times I use the steroid drop.  Considering I'm instilling one drop every two hours, there's a lot of room for decreasing.  I am looking forward to that, not only because that is a lot to keep track of, but also because the doc now thinks that is why I'm often so shaky.  Before the second surgery, he and Adam both thought I was shaky because of nerves and stress (likely), but now I'm still shaky, and it is probably because I'm all ramped up on steroids.  It's a bad feeling.  So, I'm looking forward to that ending.  

So, you can see, I'm doing pretty well without the drama which had nearly taken over my life for a while, but I'm not really back to normal either, so I'm kind of caught in the middle...  And am therefore feeling kind of blah...  I'm grateful I'm on the road back to health.  I really, really am.  But, I'm left with this odd feeling of "now what?"  I am feeling well enough to have helped in both girls' classes this week, but still ill enough for that to have left me exhausted.  But, every day keeps getting better, which I really couldn't say a few weeks ago, so I will just embrace that and know everything will work out.  

In other news:  Adam is doing a big talk tonight about Frankenstein (my husband!); Grace is testing for her orange belt on Friday night; Anna made the Dance Company she tried out for with her current teacher, so now she will have even more practices and get to perform more.  We are all hopelessly addicted to Mario Cart.

Yee Haw!

GREAT NEWS!!!!  

Eye pressure: SEVEN

Vision: 20/25

Next Appointment: ONE WEEK (I'm afraid I'm going to miss the doc...)

Woo Hoo!  

My eye looks great, he says the stitches will "soften," making them more comfortable, and the goop in the morning is just from the stitches.  

I am beyond elated.  Now I've just got to continue to heal, but it's looking good.  Really good.  

Whew. 

What a ride.

Memories

Just wanted to write down some memories of this surgery before I forget (I was awake longer this time, so I got to experience more before falling asleep:

• Blue dot over my left eye (always good to know they've got that straight before going under).
• My doctor talking to me and keeping eye contact with me while the nurse put in the IV.
• Recognizing Dr. Simmons as Grace's anesthesiologist.
• My doctor asking me how I slept that night.  Not well, but then he assured me that he slept great.  I asked him what he had for breakfast: eggs and toast.  
• I was the first surgery of the day.
• Super cold, cold room
• Dr. Simmons asking me four different times if I've ever gotten nauseous from anesthesia.   No, and still didn't.
• The nurse on my right, Dr. Simmons on my left, other people beyond, can hear Dr. Brodstein (my god-like Opthalmologist) in the room to my right.
• Eleanor Rigby, I am a Walrus, I Wanna Hold Your Hand (at which time I fell into oblivion)
• I will never listen to the Beatles in the same way again.  Have wanted to listen to them ever since.
• Breathing through an oxygen mask.
• Dr. Simmons starting the anesthesia, feeling cold run through my veins, him telling me it may sting, me assuring him it just felt cold, wondering when I would fall asleep.
• Looking up at the huge lamp above me.
• The nurse on my right telling me they were "going to take good care of me" right before I must have fallen asleep.  Feeling SO reassured by that.  I hope she knows what I nice thing that is to say to someone on the table.
• Waking up.
  

 Surgery is such a bizarre experience, and I've found myself in awe of people whose jobs involve operating on other people.  I cannot imagine that ever feeling normal.  I am so grateful there are people out there who do that--especially surgeons--but it seems like they must be an entirely different breed than me.  Although I was finally able to watch two versions of my surgery on YouTube yesterday without gagging (I really, really wanted to be able to see exactly what was done to me, and it really did help me), I still find it unbelievable that it can be done.  I've become mildly obsessed with Dr. Brodstein, picturing his life, wondering if he thought about my upcoming surgery at all on Sunday, perhaps studying up a bit (ha!), wondering what his routine is before a surgery, wondering what he feels right before cutting into my eye...  Wow.  I mean, that must be quite a rush.  I could never, ever, not in a million years do anything like that, but I'm glad he does it.  I picture his wife, listening to the stories of his day--is she unbelievably proud of him and hang on his every word or has even that become mundane to her?  It's got to be somewhere in between.  I just can't stop thinking about him.  I did this with my OB, too, so I know I'll get over it...  It just feels like such an intimate relationship: to be trusting this man with my eyeball, my sight, and to know that he's just another human being like me.  

Anyway, I go in to see him again in about an hour.  I feel a lot better than last time: my body feels much better; I'm tired, but not completely wiped out; I'm seeing pretty well.  I do have more pain in my eye: sharp pains and I can feel the stitches, which hurts.  And, both mornings I've woken up with tons of gunk in my eye.  I'm kind of worried it's infected, but I'll find out soon enough.  It could also just be my eye reacting to quite a bit of trauma in the past month.  

I'll let you know how it goes... (I'll try not to faun over my doctor too much...)

patchless

by Adam

Karyn's doctor visit today went well: The patch came off and she can see with her left eye.  It's not perfect, but it wasn't supposed to be because, well, she's just had surgery on it.  It hurts, but that's reasonable since she has stitches in her eyeball again.  Mostly she rests, listens to audiobooks and watches a little bit of t.v.  She's in good spirits overall, all things considered.

Most importantly, the eye has pressure (so she can use it), but not too much -- 6 mm Hg, in case you were wondering -- really very low, but not as low as the "zero" she's been measuring since they last took out a stitch.  And, that's a good pressure to start from as things start to heal.  On Thursday she goes back to the doctor to check things again.

In case you were wondering, my eyes are just fine.  My nerves less so, but getting better.  Tomorrow I'll teach a class for the first time since Thursday, training the ophthalmologists of tomorrow.  

post-op update

by Adam

Just an update for those of you checking in: Karyn is home from her surgery and is doing well.  She got a different dose of anesthesia and came out feeling much better than she did last time.  (Same anesthesiologist that Grace had about a year ago -- a very nice man with a good gauge for the right amounts and kinds of stuff.)  The doctor said she did great and that the "bleb repair" he did went exactly as planned.  Karyn asked how he was doing this morning, and he was happy to report that he'd had a good night sleep and a healthy breakfast of eggs and toast.

Now she's home and in bed, dazed but basically in good spirits, all things considered.  She has a patch (again) on her left (duh) eye and she will see the doctor again tomorrow morning to have the patch removed and basically start over with healing.  The good news is that we know a little bit more about how this goes.

[Also, in case you think that the term "bleb" is some kind of slang or stuff I'm just making up, you can verify for yourself that it's really a medical term.  If it's on Wikipedia, it must be real, right?]

Update

I've just finished rereading this blog's past month's postings, and I am saddened by how depressing it has become!  I used to be embarrassed that it was just filled with fluff: pictures of my girls and happy little status reports.  What power this little eyeball has had on my life!  

But, in rereading my words over the past three weeks, I found it comforting to have all those thoughts there to remember the road I've been on.  And with each post, I not only remember how I was feeling at the time, but also the huge amount of support I felt from so many of you.  This little blog has become a rather important connection to the rest of my world during all of this.  Sometimes it has just been too much to try to call people back or even send individual emails, but this blog has allowed me to connect with all of you to--at the very least--reassure you that I am at least seeing well enough to type on the computer!  At times that has been tougher than others, but I, too, have always been glad to at least have that (barring the first couple of days post surgery).

And, unfortunately, we are at that point again.  I am scheduled to have another eye surgery tomorrow morning: at about 7:00 a.m. mountain time (think of me!).  Although I'm certainly not happy to be having another surgery, I am more ready for this one.  Not only do I know more now what to expect, I have not been able to see out of my left eye for over a week (longer if you count the time leading up to the stitch being taken out and my eye deflating--it's all relative now, you see...) and I'm ready for my doctor to fix that.  

Before, my pressure was out of control high, but I could see just great out of it, so I was stressed about my sight.  Now, I know, literally, what it looks like on the other side, and it's better than this.  Squishy eyeball has definitely been the worst.  I, of course, know it could be far, far worse, but this has been uncomfortable, stressful, and frustrating.  It's unnerving to have my big, honkin' glasses on and not have that impact my vision AT ALL in my left eye.  Fortunately, I've had a few mornings of relative good sight when my pressure goes up a bit before the "bleb" (what my doctor is fixing tomorrow) fails and my eye deflates and I lose any pressure and sight I've had.  It is very, very reassuring that when the pressure improves, I CAN see.  With all the things that have gone wrong and having some swelling inside my eye (bad for the optical nerve), it has been reassuring to have a peek at what I can see when my eye is filled up like it should be.  

This surgery won't be as long as the previous one, since he won't have to do anything to my inner eye (the holes are already working super well, as we know), but I do still have to go under anesthesia.  Recovery times start over again tomorrow, but it doesn't feel as brutal knowing what to expect.  I know this first week will be pretty bad and I'll be relatively useless, but I know I'll be back to walking the girls to school the following week.  It's easier to get through a bad week, knowing it's only a week, right?  

Anyway, I'll have Adam update the blog tomorrow to reassure everyone that I'm doing okay.  I think we should be home by around noon.  

Until then, signing off with some pictures:

Self portraits of me (for the main purpose of showing people that my eye doesn't look too grotesque, just mostly dialated--and it looked about this good the day after surgery).  Anna let me know that we should change the way my Mii looks on our Wii, since I'm "not that smiley anymore."  Ouch.  I did change it, because she's right...  But I plan on changing it back soon:

How I currently see through my left eye with or without my glasses on (our backyard):

hmmm...

Better:

Here's to seeing this well in a few weeks!  

Thank you for all of your well wishes, thoughts, prayers, and for being my lifeline!

long road

I am really feeling sorry for myself...  I had to go back to the doctor today.  My eye pressure is still at zero.  He put another gigantic patch on my eye, trying to help it heal; I go in tomorrow, but it's looking like I'm facing another surgery on Monday, starting the entire process again.  This is so completely frustrating and depressing.  Ironically, my mom left this morning at my urging (stupid girl).  

I'll let you know if the surgery is a go or not when I know.  Until then, please, please continue to send healing vibes my way.

zero

After worrying for months about my eye pressure being too high, it is now at ZERO, which is, not surprisingly, too low.  My eyeball is literally squishy like a sponge.  Seriously yucky.  Because it has no pressure, my eye isn't able to focus at all (no more 20/15, that's for sure...) and it hurts even to blink.  Who knew this would be such a roller coaster?!  Ugh.  

So, my doctor took out a stitch yesterday, hoping that would keep my pressure from climbing after he sees me every few days.  Having my pressure climb that way told him I was healing too fast (me being such a young spring chicken and all), so he gently pulled out an 1 1/2 inch long stitch (he numbed my eye first), opening up the hole a little more.  Well, within a half an hour, my eye hurt and I could barely see.  So, now, after another lovely visit with my doctor, I have been told to take it even easier than before, up my steroid drops (which will ideally raise my pressure), and hope for improvement within the next few days.  My doctor seemed alert and vigilant, but not panicked, which reassured me A LOT.  Because, to me, this is rather alarming.  Even with all the things going on with my eye, it has still felt like an eyeball.  Right now, my eyeball does not feel like an eyeball should.   I was not expecting to take such a step back as this feels like.  

This experience is definitely teaching me perspective and to be appreciative of what I have.  Just yesterday morning, I was wishing I could see better, wishing I could just have my normal life back.  Who knew that just a few hours later I would be wishing my eye were just back to its state it was in the morning.  So, now I'm appreciating the fact that I am continuing to heal, that I can see a little out of my left eye, and perfectly out of my right, that I have such a good doctor, that I have insurance, that I have so many good friends, and that I have such a loving family.  I don't know what I will feel like tomorrow, and I am trying not to worry about each new stage of this awful process, but today I am thankful for all these things.  

I am also never again going to apologize for just posting pictures on this blog, because now I wish that were all I were doing.  I thank you all, though, for continuing to read.  Hopefully, soon, you will get to see beautiful pictures of my great kids again (Grace has not only lost her other front tooth, her new one is already coming in!  Anna is now big enough that we just had to buy her some size TEN pants--how can that be?!).  

seeing the stars

Okay, so things are definitely looking up since the last time I wrote.  Sorry if I worried anyone; it was just a bad day, which including reading all about the surgery I already had done to me on the internet--which totally freaked me out.  Since then, my body started feeling much better, I started a simple knitting project that involves very little looking but much sanity saving, and I've been getting back into the game a bit.  Every day someone's taken me out at least once to eat or even run errands, and I'm back to walking the kids to school.  I also got some photo albums, so I could finally start putting years worth of pictures into albums--a great doable project that keeps me from feeling idle.  

I was back to the doctor yesterday, who pushed on my eyeball again (ouch!) and got my pressure down from 19 to 4.  Nineteen is still pretty good, but his concern is that I'll heal too fast, so he keeps reopening the flap (ugh) to ensure it doesn't heal over.  I am actually seeing 20/15 in that eye with my glasses on (of course!), so my eye IS working really well, but because my eye is being kept dialated, that affects my vision.  It sounds like keeping my eye dialated is pretty important at this point, so I'm determined to settle in and get used to seeing this way, because it could be a while.  He said even when he has me stop the dialating drops, it will take 7-10 days to wear off, so I'm looking at being dialated for at least another few weeks.  

My mom is being super helpful, making meals, helping keep the girls' schedules, homework, and practicing afloat.  I think she'll be leaving within the week, though, so I'm trying to get used to going it alone again.  I think I will have to learn to change my priorities a bit--does laundry really need to be done yet? Hairballs floating across the hardwood?  What hairballs?  This will be good for me... 

Anyway, I'll keep in touch.  Thanks for being there!  :-) 

I've fallen and I can't get up

So, things are certainly better than they were, but I just need to say that this still really sucks.  I still can't see super well, I can't drive, lift anything, bend down, knit, or read.  I'm feeling like a caged animal.  Sorry to vent, but I've kind of hit a wall today and am feeling depressed about it all.  I know I am lucky to still have my sight at all, but the outlook of going to the dr for visits every couple of days, possibly having to repeat the surgery some day in the same eye or the other one, probably not being able to wear contacts ever again, and still being nervous about this recovery is a lot to take in.  Before today, I was very much just focused on getting the pressure down in that eye.  Now, I'm looking ahead to the future, possibly having to alter my life more than I am ready to.  

Or maybe not.  Maybe things will be better than I'm thinking right now. 

Karyn's back...

Well, hello again.  :-)  I thought it was high time for an update from me.  I'm still not seeing super well (probably due to the fact that one of my new drops keeps my eye dialated) and I tire out awfully easily, but I feel better every day and am therefore feeling loads better than when Adam last wrote.  

I've been back to the doctor yesterday, where in response to my pressure being up to 23 in the left eye, he pressed my eye with his thumb (hurt like crazy), getting my pressure down to 4.   It's bizarre to me that following such a precise and delicate surgery, the adjustment involves playing uncle with my eyeball...  I will continue to go in every few days which could be for a while.  No one's really saying how long.  I do know that the doctor told me (after the surgery) that the surgery was the easy part, now comes the "hard" part.  Yikes.  The surgery seemed might hard to me...  

The good news is that my new glasses already came in today (which I just ordered on Saturday in a panic), my mom and I headed out to pick them up and go out to lunch, then tried to visit people at the yarn store, but I tanked and had to go home to pass out.  It's disorienting being out not being able to see well, but I know it will get better with each passing day.  And, quite honestly, I'm just glad I can see at all.  

My mom's been supremely helpful, as I can't drive, lift anything over a gallon of milk, or lower my head past my heart, so she's been busy keeping the house afloat and shuttling the girls to and fro.

The girls are doing okay.  Anna had a tough time leading up to the surgery.  She was really nervous and cried a lot when we would talk about it.  Grace has had a tougher time afterwards, wanting me to take her to MP and read to her.  It's hard for her to understand why I can't do these things yet, especially since I look relatively normal (except for a very alert looking left eyeball).  

I've been completely humbled and grateful for everyone's kind words both here on the blog, and in calls and emails.  I am so thankful to have all of you in my life.  There is nothing like a crisis to make you realize how much you are loved--and I definitely feel loved indeed.  Thank you.  Each of you helped me face this surgery, which I found very, very scary, with bravery and strength--and I'm going to be okay.  

I'll be back in touch soon.

Eye Surgery Update: Good news & pictures!

This is Adam, filling in for Karyn.  

I'm glad to report that things are going as well as we could have possibly hoped for.  Karyn is really barely recovering from the surgery itself, feeling really groggy and out of it ever since she got pulled back into consciousness.  It hasn't helped that she's been out of adrenaline, hadn't eaten at all before the surgery, and that she's been wearing a patch and a bunch of gauze over her left eye.  It's been really disorienting.

But, the good parts:

• The doctor, right after the surgery* said that it went very well.  No problems and no extra manuevers.
  
• Karyn woke up after the surgery -- that's the part that always relieves me -- and she came home.
  
• Louise (Karyn's mom) got here this morning to help out.
  
• I took Karyn to the doctor this morning, where the patch got to come off and they checked all things they need to check.  For me, it was really interesting to see all the different things they could look through and all the different things they could look for.  The doctor even pointed out to me the various features of the procedure, holding Karyn's eyelid open as he did so.  (Not very comfortable for Karyn, but it was really fascinating for me.)  They checked the pressure in her left eye and it measured 16 mmHg.  (I include the units of measure for any physicists or any of my physics students checking in.)  This is exactly in the normal range, and much much better than the elevated pressures she'd been sustaining for the last few days.  This is without medication in this eye.
  
• Karyn's much more comfortable to have both eyes open, and the left eye doesn't feel that bad.  It feels better than her throat, actually, where she had a breathing tube during the surgery.  Her vision is surprisingly good, even minutes after removing the patch.

Now Karyn goes back to the doctor every few days to check on how the healing is going and if anything needs to be done to modify the pressure some more.  There could be some more fine tuning with the eye, but so far (aside from having the surgery in the first place) things are going as well as they can.

Karyn hasn't been behind her camera lately, but I took a few shots, both before and after the surgery:

Karyn with Anna, behind the small army of medications she was taking to try to prevent surgery.

Karyn showing her calm cool collected self before the surgery.

Staying warm under my coat.  The socks aren't upside-down, they're made to go either way . . . I guess in case you need to climb a wall or something.

Just a few hours before she got the patch removed.  

Now, Karyn is taking a nap, Louise is doing laundry, and I'm on my way to get the girls from school.  It all feels much more calm than the weekend.  Thanks to everyone with the well wishes to Karyn -- she's really appreciated knowing that people are thinking of her.

_____

* If you're interested, the procedure is called a "trabeculectomy".  If you google such a thing, you can get an in-depth description of the different things that are done, and you can even see some video footage of procedures.  (Not really recommended, actually.  Very graphic and maybe more information than you'd want to know.)  The basic technique is that they open up a flap in the exterior of the eye, do an incision that goes to the iris that will allow fluid to drain out and prevent pressure build-up, and remove a sliver of the iris so that it doesn't fill in this piece of the plumbing.  Then they treat it with some cancer medication which prevents cell growth, keeping that opening clear for drainage.  Karyn goes in over the next few weeks to make sure that this basic plumbing is just the right gauge to allow pressure to be relieved, but also not be too low.

Surgery

It's a go. I'm having surgery today at about 10:30.  The pressure was no better than yesterday.  Adam and I are leaving in a few minutes to start preregistering and all that fun stuff.  Jenn and Peter are coming over to take care of the girls.  Thank God for Jennifer.  She's been a hero through all of this.  

Please send good thoughts my way.

Bummer

Hi.  Well.  It's not good news.  

I will probably be having eye surgery tomorrow on my left eye.  Damn glaucoma.  It's a long story, and I'm exhausted and terrified, so we'll see how far I get....  Starting last week, I wasn't feeling like I was seeing very well, but I had just gotten my new contacts, so I was thinking perhaps I got the wrong box or something and was going to call to see.  Well, I woke up on Saturday morning with a boring pain through my eye, a significant sensitivity to light, and my eye was really red.  I went in to see the ophthalmologist on call, who determined I had developed inflammation (by an unknown cause), which was causing my pressure to be really high again: 44 (anything over 20 is a problem).  To further the problem, the only treatment for this inflammation is steroid drops, which tend to cause my pressure to skyrocket.  So, he gave me additional drops for the glaucoma along with the steroid for the inflammation, totaling five drops to be administered at various times throughout the day.  

I felt pretty good last night and my eye was looking a lot better.  I was supposed to see the dr at 8:00am this morning, but when I woke up at 7:00, I could barely see through my left eye.  It was like looking through a really dense fog.  And, totally freaky to me, my eye wouldn't focus on my reflection in the mirror, just drift randomly around.  I called the dr, and went right in.  My pressure was at 46.  We headed to the 24 hour pharmacy to fill another drug, this time a pill to control the glaucoma systemically.  

Then, I went back in at noon, this time to see my own ophthalmologist, a glaucoma specialist, who I trust and like very much.  Even with five drops and a pill, my pressure was still at 40, which is high enough to go blind if left that high for long.  

I'm going in at 7:15 tomorrow morning, but barring a miraculous drop in pressure over night, I will have to have surgery in order to relieve the pressure.  I am so scared and overwhelmed and confused about why this is happening.  

I want to be able to see.  Desperately so.  It makes me cry every time I think of that being jeopordized.  

The surgery should go well, though.  If my doctor says it needs to happen, I will do it.  I doubt I will have time to post on here before knowing for sure what is happening, but I wanted at least to let people here know, because many, many people I know and love check this blog, and I figure the more people thinking of me tomorrow, the better.  So, whether you pray or not, please send good wishes my way tomorrow.  I'm feeling awfully weak right now and I need all the strength I can get from you.  I'll let you know when I can how I'm doing.  

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and is enjoying a great new year.  We got back from Oregon on New Year's Day, the girls are back in school as of yesterday, and I am finally working on two photoshoots I took the week before Christmas and have felt guilt ever since for not getting to them until now.  Of course, there wasn't much time to thoughtfully sit at my computer for hours at a time in the past two weeks...  Probably not for many of you!

We had a great Christmas.  Jenn, Matt, and Peter got home from Wisconsin a few days before Christmas, so we were able to spend much of the 24th with them, eating yummy food and opening some presents.  On Christmas morning, the girls "slept in" until 6:40 (we told them they couldn't wake us up before 6:30), we talked them into a morning snuggle in our bed for a bit, and then we headed downstairs a little after 7:00.  It is no surprise to anyone that our girls are spoiled: they really didn't need anything, but got plenty just the same.  Anna got the much anticipated Nintendo DS, Grace got a digital camera, and they both got a wooden marble run from Santa.  By 8:15, we were done opening presents, ate a yummy breakfast, and had all day to play with new things, pack for our trip, and watch the snow fall.

Unfortunately, watching the snow fall wasn't as relaxing as it could have been had we not needed to fly to Oregon that night.  You see, a huge storm was predicted for Christmas evening, and the fact that it was already snowing inches and inches in the morning did not sit well with paranoid, worry-wort me.  So, I was worried all day, wondering if we would really go, and worried we'd get stuck in the airport.

Well, we didn't get stuck in the airport, we got stuck on the plane...  We got to the airport in plenty of time in order to avoid driving in the storm and to allow Jenn to use our car to pick up Gramma and Poppy who were flying here from Oregon.  So, we got to see them for a minute before they headed up to visit Peter and his parents for a few days.  So, we were now at the airport with no car (which ended up being inconsequential anyway).  Then, the snow started.  And I mean, it really started.  The snow was falling horizontally and accumulating inches/minute.  They closed the airport.  Then they opened one runway and whisked us onto the plane.  We felt like we had caught a lucky break: it was only a half an hour after our planned departure and we were already getting on the plane!  Well, where our plane was in the terminal, all the snow and ice that was swirling horizontally got jammed up in the left engine, causing it to not work.  So, an hour later, we were finally on our way after they brought a huge blow dryer out to melt all that ice and snow.  At this point, our captain announces that the de-icing is taking longer than usual, like 10 minutes/plane and we are sixth in line, so we were looking at waiting another hour or so for the plane to take-off. Five and a half hours later, we finally took off (at 3:00am).  I still don't know what really happened.  There was lots of swirling snow, very little plane movement, very little communication from the pilot (I don't know how much more he knew), and very little sleeping.  The girls (and every other kid on that plane) were very, very good.  They didn't fall asleep until around midnight and even then it was very irregular, so by the time we landed in Eugene, it was 4:30am (Utah time) and we were extremely disoriented--I felt like for the whole time we kind of lost a day.

But, once in Oregon, we had a great time.  First we got to visit my mom, who gave the family a Wii and the Wii Fit for Christmas.  I am not a video game person at all, but that thing is awesome!  We had a blast playing it with my mom and practically had to drag ourselves away to do anything else, but we did: we went to see The Tale of Desperaux, we painted pottery, saw friends for breakfast, went yarn shopping (the girls were thrilled), and beaded bracelets.  And then returned to play bowling, golf, tennis, boxing, and ski jump.  Wow.  That thing is fun.  :-)  

Then we headed to Adam's parents who were back from their trip to Utah and ready to host us despite not having had power for four days before leaving.  Their home seemed to be in the epi-center of the big Oregon storm: trees were snapped all around them, leaving tree carnage everywhere.  I cannot imagine how much work that will be for Poppy to clean up.  Fortunately, Poppy knows all about trees and has a manly-man tractor and truck that should help.  It was nonetheless as beautiful as ever at their home.  We got to watch movies and play with daddy's Legos, and Adam and I even got to go on a date while the girls went to the amazing Gilbert House with Gramma and Poppy.  

Then, we headed back to my mom's on New Year's Eve to eat crab and play more Wii before packing it up to go back to Utah early the next morning.  Thankfully, the flight home was uneventful and quick, and we're all glad to be back.  It's been snowing lots lately, with beautiful sunny days with bright blue sky in between.  

Now things are slowly getting back to normal.  I took the Christmas decorations down yesterday, which always makes me a little sad, and shelved the Christmas music for another year.   

Anna gets her retainer off tomorrow, which you can only imagine how excited she is for that.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading.  I've loved the Christmas cards we've gotten from so many of you--and I'm hoping more are still coming!