Just keep swimming, swimming...

There has been blessedly little to write as of late...  Things are going well.  The pessimist in me just keeps waiting for something to fall apart, but so far, things continue to go well with me and my ol' eye.  I just couldn't wait a whole week to see the doctor (I started worrying; so much could happen in a week!), so I went in yesterday, where my left eye was at 5, my vision a bit worse at 20/40 (it will continue to fluctuate for a while), and the right eye I have started to have nightmares about was holding steady at 23 (still high, but okay in the short term until the left heals a bit more). 

I get this little bubble under the conjunctiva occasionally, which he assured me was normal, but he said it should remind me to take it easy.  So, I'm trying to take it easy, which is surprisingly easy, since I get so damn tired after doing very little.  I think a lot of it is the fact that I've just had two surgeries in one month, but it could also have a little to do with the fact that I've done little else in that month besides watch TV and eat sugar.  Needless to say, I am not in the best shape...  Oh well, all in good time, all in good time...  

The pressure is still a little low in that left eye (it get so exhausting, worrying about "too high!" then "too low!"; it can drive one crazy, believe me), so the doc may start decreasing the number of times I use the steroid drop.  Considering I'm instilling one drop every two hours, there's a lot of room for decreasing.  I am looking forward to that, not only because that is a lot to keep track of, but also because the doc now thinks that is why I'm often so shaky.  Before the second surgery, he and Adam both thought I was shaky because of nerves and stress (likely), but now I'm still shaky, and it is probably because I'm all ramped up on steroids.  It's a bad feeling.  So, I'm looking forward to that ending.  

So, you can see, I'm doing pretty well without the drama which had nearly taken over my life for a while, but I'm not really back to normal either, so I'm kind of caught in the middle...  And am therefore feeling kind of blah...  I'm grateful I'm on the road back to health.  I really, really am.  But, I'm left with this odd feeling of "now what?"  I am feeling well enough to have helped in both girls' classes this week, but still ill enough for that to have left me exhausted.  But, every day keeps getting better, which I really couldn't say a few weeks ago, so I will just embrace that and know everything will work out.  

In other news:  Adam is doing a big talk tonight about Frankenstein (my husband!); Grace is testing for her orange belt on Friday night; Anna made the Dance Company she tried out for with her current teacher, so now she will have even more practices and get to perform more.  We are all hopelessly addicted to Mario Cart.

Yee Haw!

GREAT NEWS!!!!  

Eye pressure: SEVEN

Vision: 20/25

Next Appointment: ONE WEEK (I'm afraid I'm going to miss the doc...)

Woo Hoo!  

My eye looks great, he says the stitches will "soften," making them more comfortable, and the goop in the morning is just from the stitches.  

I am beyond elated.  Now I've just got to continue to heal, but it's looking good.  Really good.  

Whew. 

What a ride.

Memories

Just wanted to write down some memories of this surgery before I forget (I was awake longer this time, so I got to experience more before falling asleep:

• Blue dot over my left eye (always good to know they've got that straight before going under).
• My doctor talking to me and keeping eye contact with me while the nurse put in the IV.
• Recognizing Dr. Simmons as Grace's anesthesiologist.
• My doctor asking me how I slept that night.  Not well, but then he assured me that he slept great.  I asked him what he had for breakfast: eggs and toast.  
• I was the first surgery of the day.
• Super cold, cold room
• Dr. Simmons asking me four different times if I've ever gotten nauseous from anesthesia.   No, and still didn't.
• The nurse on my right, Dr. Simmons on my left, other people beyond, can hear Dr. Brodstein (my god-like Opthalmologist) in the room to my right.
• Eleanor Rigby, I am a Walrus, I Wanna Hold Your Hand (at which time I fell into oblivion)
• I will never listen to the Beatles in the same way again.  Have wanted to listen to them ever since.
• Breathing through an oxygen mask.
• Dr. Simmons starting the anesthesia, feeling cold run through my veins, him telling me it may sting, me assuring him it just felt cold, wondering when I would fall asleep.
• Looking up at the huge lamp above me.
• The nurse on my right telling me they were "going to take good care of me" right before I must have fallen asleep.  Feeling SO reassured by that.  I hope she knows what I nice thing that is to say to someone on the table.
• Waking up.
  

 Surgery is such a bizarre experience, and I've found myself in awe of people whose jobs involve operating on other people.  I cannot imagine that ever feeling normal.  I am so grateful there are people out there who do that--especially surgeons--but it seems like they must be an entirely different breed than me.  Although I was finally able to watch two versions of my surgery on YouTube yesterday without gagging (I really, really wanted to be able to see exactly what was done to me, and it really did help me), I still find it unbelievable that it can be done.  I've become mildly obsessed with Dr. Brodstein, picturing his life, wondering if he thought about my upcoming surgery at all on Sunday, perhaps studying up a bit (ha!), wondering what his routine is before a surgery, wondering what he feels right before cutting into my eye...  Wow.  I mean, that must be quite a rush.  I could never, ever, not in a million years do anything like that, but I'm glad he does it.  I picture his wife, listening to the stories of his day--is she unbelievably proud of him and hang on his every word or has even that become mundane to her?  It's got to be somewhere in between.  I just can't stop thinking about him.  I did this with my OB, too, so I know I'll get over it...  It just feels like such an intimate relationship: to be trusting this man with my eyeball, my sight, and to know that he's just another human being like me.  

Anyway, I go in to see him again in about an hour.  I feel a lot better than last time: my body feels much better; I'm tired, but not completely wiped out; I'm seeing pretty well.  I do have more pain in my eye: sharp pains and I can feel the stitches, which hurts.  And, both mornings I've woken up with tons of gunk in my eye.  I'm kind of worried it's infected, but I'll find out soon enough.  It could also just be my eye reacting to quite a bit of trauma in the past month.  

I'll let you know how it goes... (I'll try not to faun over my doctor too much...)

patchless

by Adam

Karyn's doctor visit today went well: The patch came off and she can see with her left eye.  It's not perfect, but it wasn't supposed to be because, well, she's just had surgery on it.  It hurts, but that's reasonable since she has stitches in her eyeball again.  Mostly she rests, listens to audiobooks and watches a little bit of t.v.  She's in good spirits overall, all things considered.

Most importantly, the eye has pressure (so she can use it), but not too much -- 6 mm Hg, in case you were wondering -- really very low, but not as low as the "zero" she's been measuring since they last took out a stitch.  And, that's a good pressure to start from as things start to heal.  On Thursday she goes back to the doctor to check things again.

In case you were wondering, my eyes are just fine.  My nerves less so, but getting better.  Tomorrow I'll teach a class for the first time since Thursday, training the ophthalmologists of tomorrow.  

post-op update

by Adam

Just an update for those of you checking in: Karyn is home from her surgery and is doing well.  She got a different dose of anesthesia and came out feeling much better than she did last time.  (Same anesthesiologist that Grace had about a year ago -- a very nice man with a good gauge for the right amounts and kinds of stuff.)  The doctor said she did great and that the "bleb repair" he did went exactly as planned.  Karyn asked how he was doing this morning, and he was happy to report that he'd had a good night sleep and a healthy breakfast of eggs and toast.

Now she's home and in bed, dazed but basically in good spirits, all things considered.  She has a patch (again) on her left (duh) eye and she will see the doctor again tomorrow morning to have the patch removed and basically start over with healing.  The good news is that we know a little bit more about how this goes.

[Also, in case you think that the term "bleb" is some kind of slang or stuff I'm just making up, you can verify for yourself that it's really a medical term.  If it's on Wikipedia, it must be real, right?]

Update

I've just finished rereading this blog's past month's postings, and I am saddened by how depressing it has become!  I used to be embarrassed that it was just filled with fluff: pictures of my girls and happy little status reports.  What power this little eyeball has had on my life!  

But, in rereading my words over the past three weeks, I found it comforting to have all those thoughts there to remember the road I've been on.  And with each post, I not only remember how I was feeling at the time, but also the huge amount of support I felt from so many of you.  This little blog has become a rather important connection to the rest of my world during all of this.  Sometimes it has just been too much to try to call people back or even send individual emails, but this blog has allowed me to connect with all of you to--at the very least--reassure you that I am at least seeing well enough to type on the computer!  At times that has been tougher than others, but I, too, have always been glad to at least have that (barring the first couple of days post surgery).

And, unfortunately, we are at that point again.  I am scheduled to have another eye surgery tomorrow morning: at about 7:00 a.m. mountain time (think of me!).  Although I'm certainly not happy to be having another surgery, I am more ready for this one.  Not only do I know more now what to expect, I have not been able to see out of my left eye for over a week (longer if you count the time leading up to the stitch being taken out and my eye deflating--it's all relative now, you see...) and I'm ready for my doctor to fix that.  

Before, my pressure was out of control high, but I could see just great out of it, so I was stressed about my sight.  Now, I know, literally, what it looks like on the other side, and it's better than this.  Squishy eyeball has definitely been the worst.  I, of course, know it could be far, far worse, but this has been uncomfortable, stressful, and frustrating.  It's unnerving to have my big, honkin' glasses on and not have that impact my vision AT ALL in my left eye.  Fortunately, I've had a few mornings of relative good sight when my pressure goes up a bit before the "bleb" (what my doctor is fixing tomorrow) fails and my eye deflates and I lose any pressure and sight I've had.  It is very, very reassuring that when the pressure improves, I CAN see.  With all the things that have gone wrong and having some swelling inside my eye (bad for the optical nerve), it has been reassuring to have a peek at what I can see when my eye is filled up like it should be.  

This surgery won't be as long as the previous one, since he won't have to do anything to my inner eye (the holes are already working super well, as we know), but I do still have to go under anesthesia.  Recovery times start over again tomorrow, but it doesn't feel as brutal knowing what to expect.  I know this first week will be pretty bad and I'll be relatively useless, but I know I'll be back to walking the girls to school the following week.  It's easier to get through a bad week, knowing it's only a week, right?  

Anyway, I'll have Adam update the blog tomorrow to reassure everyone that I'm doing okay.  I think we should be home by around noon.  

Until then, signing off with some pictures:

Self portraits of me (for the main purpose of showing people that my eye doesn't look too grotesque, just mostly dialated--and it looked about this good the day after surgery).  Anna let me know that we should change the way my Mii looks on our Wii, since I'm "not that smiley anymore."  Ouch.  I did change it, because she's right...  But I plan on changing it back soon:

How I currently see through my left eye with or without my glasses on (our backyard):

hmmm...

Better:

Here's to seeing this well in a few weeks!  

Thank you for all of your well wishes, thoughts, prayers, and for being my lifeline!

long road

I am really feeling sorry for myself...  I had to go back to the doctor today.  My eye pressure is still at zero.  He put another gigantic patch on my eye, trying to help it heal; I go in tomorrow, but it's looking like I'm facing another surgery on Monday, starting the entire process again.  This is so completely frustrating and depressing.  Ironically, my mom left this morning at my urging (stupid girl).  

I'll let you know if the surgery is a go or not when I know.  Until then, please, please continue to send healing vibes my way.