Sunday, February 8, 2009

Update

I've just finished rereading this blog's past month's postings, and I am saddened by how depressing it has become!  I used to be embarrassed that it was just filled with fluff: pictures of my girls and happy little status reports.  What power this little eyeball has had on my life!  

But, in rereading my words over the past three weeks, I found it comforting to have all those thoughts there to remember the road I've been on.  And with each post, I not only remember how I was feeling at the time, but also the huge amount of support I felt from so many of you.  This little blog has become a rather important connection to the rest of my world during all of this.  Sometimes it has just been too much to try to call people back or even send individual emails, but this blog has allowed me to connect with all of you to--at the very least--reassure you that I am at least seeing well enough to type on the computer!  At times that has been tougher than others, but I, too, have always been glad to at least have that (barring the first couple of days post surgery).

And, unfortunately, we are at that point again.  I am scheduled to have another eye surgery tomorrow morning: at about 7:00 a.m. mountain time (think of me!).  Although I'm certainly not happy to be having another surgery, I am more ready for this one.  Not only do I know more now what to expect, I have not been able to see out of my left eye for over a week (longer if you count the time leading up to the stitch being taken out and my eye deflating--it's all relative now, you see...) and I'm ready for my doctor to fix that.  

Before, my pressure was out of control high, but I could see just great out of it, so I was stressed about my sight.  Now, I know, literally, what it looks like on the other side, and it's better than this.  Squishy eyeball has definitely been the worst.  I, of course, know it could be far, far worse, but this has been uncomfortable, stressful, and frustrating.  It's unnerving to have my big, honkin' glasses on and not have that impact my vision AT ALL in my left eye.  Fortunately, I've had a few mornings of relative good sight when my pressure goes up a bit before the "bleb" (what my doctor is fixing tomorrow) fails and my eye deflates and I lose any pressure and sight I've had.  It is very, very reassuring that when the pressure improves, I CAN see.  With all the things that have gone wrong and having some swelling inside my eye (bad for the optical nerve), it has been reassuring to have a peek at what I can see when my eye is filled up like it should be.  

This surgery won't be as long as the previous one, since he won't have to do anything to my inner eye (the holes are already working super well, as we know), but I do still have to go under anesthesia.  Recovery times start over again tomorrow, but it doesn't feel as brutal knowing what to expect.  I know this first week will be pretty bad and I'll be relatively useless, but I know I'll be back to walking the girls to school the following week.  It's easier to get through a bad week, knowing it's only a week, right?  

Anyway, I'll have Adam update the blog tomorrow to reassure everyone that I'm doing okay.  I think we should be home by around noon.  

Until then, signing off with some pictures:

Self portraits of me (for the main purpose of showing people that my eye doesn't look too grotesque, just mostly dialated--and it looked about this good the day after surgery).  Anna let me know that we should change the way my Mii looks on our Wii, since I'm "not that smiley anymore."  Ouch.  I did change it, because she's right...  But I plan on changing it back soon:








How I currently see through my left eye with or without my glasses on (our backyard):

hmmm...


Better:

Here's to seeing this well in a few weeks!  

Thank you for all of your well wishes, thoughts, prayers, and for being my lifeline!


1 comment:

Snickollet said...

I will be thinking, thinking, thinking of you tomorrow. Will your mom come back to help during your recovery again?

Sending lots of good thoughts for speedy recoveries and crisp, clear vision out of non-squishy eyeballs!