Memories

Just wanted to write down some memories of this surgery before I forget (I was awake longer this time, so I got to experience more before falling asleep:

• Blue dot over my left eye (always good to know they've got that straight before going under).
• My doctor talking to me and keeping eye contact with me while the nurse put in the IV.
• Recognizing Dr. Simmons as Grace's anesthesiologist.
• My doctor asking me how I slept that night.  Not well, but then he assured me that he slept great.  I asked him what he had for breakfast: eggs and toast.  
• I was the first surgery of the day.
• Super cold, cold room
• Dr. Simmons asking me four different times if I've ever gotten nauseous from anesthesia.   No, and still didn't.
• The nurse on my right, Dr. Simmons on my left, other people beyond, can hear Dr. Brodstein (my god-like Opthalmologist) in the room to my right.
• Eleanor Rigby, I am a Walrus, I Wanna Hold Your Hand (at which time I fell into oblivion)
• I will never listen to the Beatles in the same way again.  Have wanted to listen to them ever since.
• Breathing through an oxygen mask.
• Dr. Simmons starting the anesthesia, feeling cold run through my veins, him telling me it may sting, me assuring him it just felt cold, wondering when I would fall asleep.
• Looking up at the huge lamp above me.
• The nurse on my right telling me they were "going to take good care of me" right before I must have fallen asleep.  Feeling SO reassured by that.  I hope she knows what I nice thing that is to say to someone on the table.
• Waking up.
  

 Surgery is such a bizarre experience, and I've found myself in awe of people whose jobs involve operating on other people.  I cannot imagine that ever feeling normal.  I am so grateful there are people out there who do that--especially surgeons--but it seems like they must be an entirely different breed than me.  Although I was finally able to watch two versions of my surgery on YouTube yesterday without gagging (I really, really wanted to be able to see exactly what was done to me, and it really did help me), I still find it unbelievable that it can be done.  I've become mildly obsessed with Dr. Brodstein, picturing his life, wondering if he thought about my upcoming surgery at all on Sunday, perhaps studying up a bit (ha!), wondering what his routine is before a surgery, wondering what he feels right before cutting into my eye...  Wow.  I mean, that must be quite a rush.  I could never, ever, not in a million years do anything like that, but I'm glad he does it.  I picture his wife, listening to the stories of his day--is she unbelievably proud of him and hang on his every word or has even that become mundane to her?  It's got to be somewhere in between.  I just can't stop thinking about him.  I did this with my OB, too, so I know I'll get over it...  It just feels like such an intimate relationship: to be trusting this man with my eyeball, my sight, and to know that he's just another human being like me.  

Anyway, I go in to see him again in about an hour.  I feel a lot better than last time: my body feels much better; I'm tired, but not completely wiped out; I'm seeing pretty well.  I do have more pain in my eye: sharp pains and I can feel the stitches, which hurts.  And, both mornings I've woken up with tons of gunk in my eye.  I'm kind of worried it's infected, but I'll find out soon enough.  It could also just be my eye reacting to quite a bit of trauma in the past month.  

I'll let you know how it goes... (I'll try not to faun over my doctor too much...)